Single to Smitten During a Pandemic
Huh? Yes, my fellow reader, I went from single to smitten not only in the middle of a worldwide pandemic, but also without using a dating app! Here is how:
I would like to begin with a fun fact about me. I spent most of my teens and early to mid-twenties single. Up until the end of 2020, I never had a boyfriend. It is funny because I can remember starting my freshman year of college and setting the expectation that I would meet somebody, fall in love, get married, and live the picture-perfect life. Yet, each year seemed to fly by, and before I knew it, I was graduating college, but I was still single. Now what?
As I reflect on the last ten years of my dating experiences, each one truly was a stepping-stone. Each person taught me something about me, whether that was my self-esteem, tolerance level, or non-negotiable values.
My dating journey really began in the summer of 2018 after I read Brene Brown’s “Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone” and uncovering “Ask and It Is Given” by Jerry and Ester Hicks. I was learning about a new concept called the “Law of Attraction” through Ester and Jerry Hick’s work and wanted to have a deeper understanding of why I kept attracting the same type of person when it came to dating. After listening to the audio version of “Ask and It Is Given” I finally understood why there were so many failures surrounding my dating style! Because my self-esteem was low, and I felt like I did not deserve the best, I was attracting people who felt the same way about themselves! Settling was not an option and I needed a self-esteem makeover as soon as possible! During the next two years, I did a lot of inner work to ensure that I would never attract a low-quality partner ever again, and for that I am proud of myself.
In the beginning of 2020, for about a month straight, I was going out with at least two new people every week from various dating apps. It was so exciting to get dolled up for my new date, but after each date, I left feeling empty and annoyed. There was no spark between myself and the person I just spent that last hour with. Immediately, I got off all my dating apps and decided I was doing myself a disservice by staying on those dating apps and settling for the same outcome.
Then, abruptly, Covid caused a great pause and then came silence. During April’s quarantine, I spent most of the month in my own thoughts. I began journaling every single one of my emotions. I determined I was living an unfulfilled life, and began listening to podcasts about soulmate love, law of attraction, and self-esteem.
“The Law of Attraction in Action” podcast quickly became a favorite, and the host spent an entire episode talking about dating with a purpose. Bingo! That was my problem. I was dating just to date and gain more experience, but what was missing was purpose. I changed my mindset and pretended as if I was already with the love of my life. I even made a list of all his qualities: job, hair color, body type, hobbies, and even the type of car he drove.
For about six months, I would take five minutes before bedtime to close my eyes and visualize that my partner was fast asleep next to me. I acknowledged how I was feeling and each time I would practice this meditation a sense of safety would overcome me. Day in and day out, I spoke as if I already had my partner. I can even remember telling my mom, “Mom, someday, I am going to be hopping up into a decked-out truck.” I remember she smiled and laughed.
Then, one Saturday in October, my friends and I headed to a haunted house just north of Pittsburgh. My one friend said she had a gentleman friend she wanted to introduce me to. As he approached, I can vividly remember, we made eye contact and he grinned ear to ear. He greeted me with an unforgettable hug.
I met the cutest ginger you will ever meet during a pandemic.
P.S. He drives a really nice truck too.
I ask that you take a moment to pause. Look away from this post and look out the closest window to you. Take a deep breath and ask yourself where you are now in your dating journey and where you want to be. What outdated habits, thought processes, and mindset to do you have to shed to attract a high-quality partner?
