Yo Soy Capitana (I am Captain)
Maya Angelou once said, “Our crown has already been bought and paid for. All we have to do is wear it.” A few years ago, an old coworker shared that quote with me. I remember being intrigued, yet not fully resonating with the statement. A couple of years later, I finally understand what that quote means.
In the last 18 months, I have gone through a massive transformation. Summer of 2020, I declared I am more than just the girl in payroll. I put my fears aside to pursue a life coaching certification to gain exposure to challenging skills and techniques. For about six months, my life was not my own. I barely had time for my friends, let alone my family, and even worse, myself. That’s when I realized I was not running my ship.
How could someone who has so much going for her not oversee her ship? Great question. Through Shirzad Chamine’s Positive Intelligence program, I learned that my top 3 saboteurs are: Hyper achiever, Perfectionist, and Restless. I learned that our Judge is the conductor of the saboteurs. When the Judge is out, the other saboteurs are lurking. Ready to pounce and judge every thought that comes across the mind. These saboteurs have ruled my life for far too long.
There is a new sheriff in town who is large and in charge: me. How does that correlate with being the captain of your ship?
As I reflect on the last seven months of my life, I let people, places, things, and emotions onto my ship without permission. Let me say that one more time, I let people, places, things, and emotions board my ship without any formal permission. I was saying yes when my body was telling me to say no. I was trying to impress people who, quite honestly, wouldn’t give me 5 minutes of their time. I was with someone that could not see and embrace my light. I was overextending myself to the point of physical illness. I was devaluing my self-worth and handing over that power to others. I disrespected my boundaries and core values. These emotions, of course, built up over time, and I became angry, frustrated, and resentful for not having enough courage to speak up for myself and demand better. Even though it was my ship, somehow, I had been the one thrown overboard.
How bloody mad is that?
Then, I had a breakthrough! I’m very visual and one of my coaching colleagues helped me create this beautiful image of me running my ship. This beautiful, crisp ship with white sails, clear blue skies, and I’m walking along the deck. The crew consists of many versions of me, and I notice as I walk by each crew member they just stare in awe. Awe of everything I am: my posture, communication style, tone, self-respect, and self-worth. It was so powerful. I had a clear vision of everything I am slowly but surely becoming as a woman. Inspired and motivated, I set out on an adventure to find a little figurine that I could sit at my desk as a constant reminder that “Yo Soy Capitana.” In English, that translates to I am captain. In the South Side of Pittsburgh, there is a vintage shop called Three Rivers Vintage. It was the first time in a few years that I had been in the shop and made sure to chat with the owner. I told him I was looking for some brooches. While I was perusing, I found a brooch that had a ship on it. It was an exact replica of my imaginary ship! SOLD! I’m very much a firm believer that the universe leaves breadcrumbs for us to follow. We have to be calm and observant to see the clue. It will appear when you least expect it.
During the rough seas, I had a lovely reconnection with my 5-year-old self. This photo displays happiness, confidence, and pure innocence from any external or self-critiques. I made a promise that I would be empathetic and kind so that she never feels so overextended or less, ever again. As a constant reminder, I have made that childhood photo my background image on my phone. I’ve overcome what felt like a massive dark cloud. I have said goodbye to people I deeply cared for to pursue my goals. People have said goodbye to me without any explanation, and I have learned to accept it. I have set limits and restrictions on my availability for activities or commitments to create more me time. I read an incredible book that taught me about my Human Design that tapped some light into the person I was born to be. I have surrounded myself with people who continuously celebrate me. I have learned to slow down, recognize my accomplishments, yet staying hungry for more. I’ve learned to let my emotions be data, not directions. I have learned to take better care of myself. Lastly, through trial and error, I can proudly say the only way to handle discomfort and stress is through laughter.
I guess, I too am in a rebirth period. I am shedding old versions of myself that no longer serve me, what I stand for, and who I want to become. I am proof of living a colorful life through hope. I am not here to please everyone. I am not apologizing or saying sorry when I don’t mean it. I will never settle for less than what I deserve, especially when choosing a partner. I owe it to the sassy little girl who smiles back at me on my phone. I owe it to the woman I am becoming.
During this journey, one of my proudest achievements comes from my very first client. I remember he shared with me his initials. You will never guess what they are: C E O. What are the odds? He shared with me his passion for art and that someday he will be his own boss. During one of our sessions, he declared that within six months, he will be quitting his job to become a full-time entrepreneur. By the next time I saw him, he joyously announced, “Today is my last day. My finances are fine, and I bought a studio. I’ve already sold some of my art!” As a human being, what an incredible feeling to know that my very first client quit his J O B and pursued his dreams. All the hard work, sleepless nights, stress, worry, fear, and every other emotion you can think of has paid off. That is wealth. That is abundance. That is the purest form of success, and no one will ever take that away from me.
I am the captain of my life while simultaneously building my empire on my terms. I am helping my clients become captains and setting sail for their mysterious, undiscovered land. The ocean is calling. What will it take for you to be the captain of your life?
The choice is yours.
